so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize