I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
