i will never coherently bang her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
