is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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