The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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