I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
