Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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