I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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