Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
