who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
