Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
