I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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