So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
