you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
