I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
