pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
