I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
