dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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