There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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