Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
