My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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