What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
