the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
