8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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