Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize