Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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