I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize