He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
