his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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