dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
