I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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