6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
