I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
