just come out here and I will go home with you...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
