She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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