I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
