your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
