I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
