I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
