I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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