We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
