One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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