I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
