If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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