Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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