Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
