I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
