I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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