Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize