yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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