I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
