Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize