Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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