Can i not drive my cunt home
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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