so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
