Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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