She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
