Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize