She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
