Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
