My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
