I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
