My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
