its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
