So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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