I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
