my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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