You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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