Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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