i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
